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If Meghan Markle Were To Be A Nigerian…

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If Meghan Markle Were To Be A Nigerian…

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If Meghan Markle Were To Be A Nigerian…

If Meghan Markle Were To Be A Nigerian…

Meghan Markle, as ya’ll know,  is a divorced 36 year old Hollywood actress who just recently got hitched to Prince Harry. With the rave about the Royal Wedding, I put up a list of things that would have happened if Meghan Markle were to be a Nigerian.

Okay so let’s begin;

***Fes fes, there would have been no wedding between her and Prince Harry; she would still have been married to her ex. Because we live in a country where divorced women have little or no place in the society, she would have been guilted into remaining in a failed marriage.

Ofcourse, prayer house would have been the next option na, because you must cry to God o, her prayer point for long like toilet roll.

***Okay let’s assume she left the first marriage successfully, who else would have married her the second time? At 36, the average Nigerian woman is considered ‘old’. Nobody would have settled for grandma now, not when Unilag is churning out fresh graduates every other week.

Infact society would dictate that she hang her boots and leave ‘husband finding’ for youngsters.
“Stop being greedy!”

***Oya lets say you manage to cross all this hurdles and finally meet the man of your dreams, will in-laws allow the marriage to work? At all oo! Mama will wage war with you:

“Over my dead body will a 36 year old woman marry my 33 year old son? Don’t you know you are old enough to be his mother?”

Sister in-law will threaten to beat you out of her brother’s house.

Family member will conduct deliverance for their son, because you did Jazz for him oo!

Pastor in church sef go follow for the matter. He will use your case as reference to all sisters in church looking for husband; “God will do it for you,Look at sister Me-me,faithful in ushering department, God rewarded her with a husband.”

If Meghan Markle Were To Be A Nigerian…

***Let’s face it squarely sef, how many Nigerian women in their late thirties are as physically fit as Meghan Markle? An average 36 year old Nigerian woman would have added a couple more pounds (preferably in the stomach and thigh region) and would have traded all form of sexiness for a Mama-ish wardrobe to go with her treasured pot belly.

Meghan Markle

Meghan Markle

***Last Last,’Oya lets say she she scaled through all these; tribe and religion would’ve scattered it for them’.

“My son cannot marry a Yoruba girl!”

“My daughter cannot marry a Muslim man!”

“A prince cannot marry a lowborn, it is unheard of!”

***Okay finally, finally, finally…they agree to get married oh; will internet trolls allow the wedding to hold? Prince Harry would have heard so many rumours about Meghan, wedding for taya am.

“Ahn,Ahn, I know her now, no be Meghan that Nollywood actress, that one wey act ‘Suits’? Yes na, she knack Director, scriptwriter, stage hand, even cleaner sef.

“Yes na, that’s how she she met the prince na”

All this one I’m talking sef, I forgot to mention village witches oh!

3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. Magictobs

    May 20, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    Lwkmd… obviously d blunt truth

  2. Mfon

    May 20, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    Welcome to Nigeria where u live ur life for people around u, they ve a great say when and who to get married to.

  3. Leroi

    May 21, 2018 at 5:57 am

    True on all points. Thank God she is not a Nigerian.

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