One cold afternoon like this, I stood at the bus stop with a couple of other people waiting for bus. It was raining heavily and everyone was shaking like leaf and cursing the source of all their problems in this world (Uncle BuBu). After almost an hour, a rickety bus sauntered by…
“ESBS, ESBS” The conductor called impatiently
We all fought our way into the bus (because in Nigeria, everything na fight o). Others were left behind, but me na, as per sharp babe, I had pushed one girl and taken her place.
I was just beginning to settle in comfortably when I started hearing:
YEAH ,YEAH, YEAHHHH
AH AH…wetin be this one again. Maybe it’s this cold sha, ‘Weather for two’ I thought to myself with a smile.
“Give it to me baby”
AHHHHHH. …..Warris all dis naa
I knew this one was not playing in my head again oh. This one issa real life sometin.
I looked around to locate the source of this unholiness…Ahh….it was one Bros beside me. Bros was wearing suit and tie and was watching XXX on his phone.
He was using his headset, but uncle did not know that the china earpiece he was using was playing both in the earpiece and ALOUD in the phone.(since then, I sha gave up on China o)
Anyways, before I could say Nigeria and add corruption, the female voice started wailing: ”YES, YES YESSSSSSSSS, I’m cominggggggggggg.”
Ahhhh…coming to where kwanu ?
I looked around hurriedly to see if I was the only one hearing this blasphemy…but not at all. Rev.Sister in the front seat has counted rosary ten times and said fifty Hail Marys. Mama by the window spat out untill she had to drink water to form saliva again, while Oga behind me recontinued swearing for Pa BuBu, after all, is he not the cause of all the problems in this world?
They were sha looking in my direction and the look they were giving me was not friendly at all.
Ahhh …Mo ti ku…’it’s not me oooo’, I almost shouted.
I couldn’t stomach it any longer… because I began to hear like three extra voices coming out of the phone. They wantu kill somebody’s daughter…So I tapped Bros, who was leaning towards the window trying to hide the phone and watch his thing in peace.
“Bros”…I nudged him..
“Yes,Yes”, he turned abruptly
I looked at him; he was already breathing very heavily, im blood don hotttttttt
Well, I continued…
“Bros, this your film is loud oo, maybe you’ll continue watching it at home eh”
Bros was embarrassed AF…he would have fainted in the bus, if there was space to fall and faint. But the bus was tight na, enough to keep him uptight. He stayed still for some seconds and slowly turned around…Bus was dead quiet, all eyes on him. Even Rev. Sister was interested in the drama
CONDUCTOR, I GO DROP, he all but screamed.
Oga, you never reach na…no be you say you dey go Agric Bank?? Conductor said with a twinkle in his eyes.
“I SAY I GO COME DOWN” the man cried “DROP ME HERE”
Bus stopped, Oga threw a dirty hundred naira at conductor and forgot to collect change. He practically ran into the bush.
Soon enough, the bus reached my own bus stop.
Conductor, I go drop.
Where your money?
Ah, Ah, that bros paid for both of us. The hundred naira e give you, na two of us dey inside.
Conductor taya for me, he opened the door and threw me out.